Yes Sir, that Would be me. Instaed of one of those awkward posts introducing ones self and why they have decided that the entire world need to be informed of their
a. baby
b. political views
c. fashion rules
d.religious opinion
e. sports obsession
f. spare tyre
g.global trotting
h. other emo-esque ramblings
(in my particular case it is a,c and F)
I decided to share a recent interview of moi done by a phat panda reporter living in australia.
PHAT PANDA: The term ‘Globesity’ is one that many are referring to when discussing the increasing girth of society. From panda cubs to geriatric kung-fu pandas from days gone by, the cuddly figure is fast becoming catastrophic health crisis.
So how does every day Joe Panda deal with coronary inducing cuddliness? Is there cure for curviness? I talk to Fatt Panda on what it is like to be Excessivly cuddly………
Phat Panda: Fatt Panda, by todays standard you are considered to be significantly cuddly than many of your peers. How does this make you feel?
Fatt Panda: Well Phat, lets put this in real terms shall we? Im beyond cuddly. I passed the border into Chunk-tastic land many moons ago. Im more inclined to use terms such as rotund, flabby, hefty and obese when reffering to my furry fabulous self. There is an obsession with being waiferific these days and it can be hard not to become despondant when waiferific pert pandas are flashed into view every 3.4 seconds. However despite what everyother panda is doing my rotundness is not acceptable by any standards. It is unhealthy and that makes me a very very sad panda.
Phat Panda: I notice that you still describe your self as ‘furry and fabulous’. Dont you feel that being considerably obese cuts you out of the fabulous field?
Fatt Panda: *cough cough (chokes on half digested bamboo shoot)* Ahhhh Phat, I have to say that No, being considerably curvaceous and excessivly cuddly does not change that I am a fun loving, fur goddess who is utterly fabulous. I agree that while my exterior may leave abit to be desired, my soul, spirit and sense of humour are most definately in tact, In fact i have come to the belief that pandas carrying extra cuddliness are perhaps slightly more fabulous than those who have never had to work on their internal beauty. So in that respect, I beleive its a blessing.
Phat Panda : *mutters under breathe that doesnt stop your arse from wobbling* So Fatt, with 22%of women over the age of 25 considered obese in Australia, Who do you blame for your cuddly curse? Was it your parents for not teaching you how to be healthy? Your school perhaps for not encouraging panda PE? is your Panda Partner to blame, for upsizing your creamy meals? Or was it panda cubs fault, causing those cravings while you were pregnant? Who do you blame?
Fatt Panda: Phat, my cuddly crisis is nobodys fault but my own. I fed myself, I put off physical activity and I ate more than was necessary. I take full responsibility for the situation I am in. The positive side of the stone is that because I created this problem, I can resolve it.
Phat Panda: While it has disturbed me, having to look at your enourmous cuddle lumps during this interview, I applaud you for speaking out about your cuddlerific catastrophe that you caused yourself. Thanks for your time Fatt Panda.
Fatt Panda: Thank you. Oh, and this………..
is for being such a total b*tch about my wobbly backside.
Yes, it did end on a slightly less positive note than i would have liked, but she brought up my bum, AS IF YOU DO!!!!
So dear travellers of the mystical and splendiforous world this blog is about one pandas journey from catastrophically cuddley to cautiously curvey.
Eat shoots and Leaves. Peace Out xoxox
